1.Your name
Simin Liu 2. An Approved Topic
John Wyndham shows the readers three civilizations. Those of the old-people, present day Waknuk, and of Sealand. Explain the flaws of each. What is he trying to show us?
The Chrysalids shows even if the three civilizations evolve, their flaws will remain with them. Thesis:The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous evolution, humans have remained the same. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are forever trapped in these emotions that takes us down the wrong path without us realizing. That is why these emotions are some of humanity's greatest flaws. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and Sealand people. The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. Thisis has to go at the end of your intro.Humans are arrogant in thinking we are perfect and are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill our own family and friends just so that we can survive and live a good life. We greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, wether killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. Humans have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize that we are trapped by them or have become entangled so much that we are unable to escape. And due to our ignorance of these flaws and never ending greed, always put comma!we are forever trapped in them and cannot evolve.But you said at the beggining that human society is constantly evolving! What are you trying to say? 'Whether" not wether.Use commas! Try putting your thesis at the end of your sentance.
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous evolution, humans have remained the same. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are forever trapped in these emotions that takes us down the wrong path without our knowledge. That is why these emotions are some of humanity's greatest flaws. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and Sealand people. Humans are arrogant in thinking we are perfect and are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill our own family and friends just so that we can survive and live a good life. We greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, whether killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. Humans have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize that we are trapped by them or have become entangled so much that we are unable to escape. And due to our ignorance of these flaws and never ending greed, we are forever trapped in them and cannot evolve.The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. much improved from your previous par. but there are still many grammar challenges. Also, the fluidity needs improvement
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous changes humans have not made much progress much on the emotional level ["Evolution" has been used three times in the first two paragraphs alone and then two more times in the last two sentences.]. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are constantly blinded by these flaws that leads us down the wrong path. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and the Sealand people. We humans are arrogant and think we are perfect but are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill family and friends for a good life. Humans greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, even if it means killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. We have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize we are ensnared and cannot escape. So, due to our blindness[Ignorance has been overused as well.] of these flaws and unsatisable hunger[Another overused word], we are forever trapped in them and cannot move on.The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Before proving that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain, three things must first be understood; the old-people, the people of Waknuk and the Sealand people. The Chrysalids took place in the future after a nuclear war where genetic mutation was extremely common. Due to the war, everything was destroyed and the only thing that remained was the Bible and Nicholson's Repentances. Most technologies were lost and the nuclear war was called Tribulation by the people who survived as none knew what happened to the world.(can be better phrased) The old-people refers to people who lived in the twenty-first century ( I'm pretty sure that the cold wars took place in the 20th century)before the nuclear war. The people of Waknuk are people from after the nuclear war (this term is used too much)and lived in Labrador. They sought the ways of the old people because they believed that they were the true image of man and followed the Bible and the Repentances without question. They deemed all mutations as deviations and treated them as the devil's creations. The Sealand people are from the same time as the Waknuk people.(transition needs improving) They had been fortunate and had mostly escaped the effects of the nuclear war but had been cut off from the world. The Sealand people were telepaths and could send thought shapes to each other and believed they were better than the old-people. With this information understood, it is now possible to prove that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. Can this relate in any way to today's society? Also, remember we need test vocabulary.
The people of Waknuk were ignorant of the fact that babies born with blemishes and mutation (needs to be plural) were not deviations like they believed (why?). Due to this, lots (a lot) of innocent lives were lost or ruined. and(as well) the mother of the child had to suffer. The "deviations" were caused by radiation and marriage within the family. Ignorant of this fact, the people of Waknuk sent deviations to the fringes and blamed the rest on the mother of the child when it did not have much to do with her.(can be phrased better) The Sealand people were ignorant (used a lot try for a different word) of how-despite being able share thoughts, you can still hide some of your thoughts and get into fights and betray each other.(re-phrase) (Anne cut off all connections and then betrayed all the telepaths by writing a letter to the inspector telling him the names of all of them.(them all)) (use for example instead of brackets)The old-people were ignorant, separated into different countries, cultures and languages. If one country is devastated the others remain ignorant of the effects it might hold over them. (rephrase-make more clear) They did not plan ahead only thinking of themselves ignorant of the consequences which lead to their downfall. (could have a better concluding sentence)
Before proving that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain, three things must first be understood; the old-people, the people of Waknuk and the Sealand people. The Chrysalids took place in the future after a nuclear war where genetic mutation was extremely common. Due to the war, everything was destroyed and the only thing that remained was the Bible and Nicholson's Repentances. Most technologies were lost and the devastation was named Tribulation as survivers believed the old-people triggered God's warth and were punished. The old-people refers to people who lived in the twentieth century before the nuclear war. The people of Waknuk are people from after the nuclear war (this term is used too much)and lived in Labrador. They sought the ways of the old people because they believed that they were the true image of man and followed the Bible and the Repentances without question. They deemed all mutations as deviations and treated them as the devil's creations. The Sealand people are from the same time as the Waknuk people.(transition needs improving) They had been fortunate and had mostly escaped the effects of the nuclear war but had been cut off from the world. The Sealand people were telepaths and could send thought shapes to each other and believed they were better than the old-people. With this information understood, it is now possible to prove that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. Can this relate in any way to today's society? Also, remember we need test vocabulary.
The people of Waknuk were ignorant of the fact that babies born with blemishes and mutation (needs to be plural) were not deviations like they believed (why?). Due to this, lots (a lot) of innocent lives were lost or ruined. and(as well) the mother of the child had to suffer. The "deviations" were caused by radiation and marriage within the family. Ignorant of this fact, the people of Waknuk sent deviations to the fringes and blamed the rest on the mother of the child when it did not have much to do with her.(can be phrased better) The Sealand people were ignorant (used a lot try for a different word) of how-despite being able share thoughts, you can still hide some of your thoughts and get into fights and betray each other.(re-phrase) (Anne cut off all connections and then betrayed all the telepaths by writing a letter to the inspector telling him the names of all of them.(them all)) (use for example instead of brackets)The old-people were ignorant, separated into different countries, cultures and languages. If one country is devastated the others remain ignorant of the effects it might hold over them. (rephrase-make more clear) They did not plan ahead only thinking of themselves ignorant of the consequences which lead to their downfall. (could have a better concluding sentence)
4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay 6. Peer Comments Group members Danilo Willie Alex
Peer Comments:
Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Person 2 - Body Paragraphs 1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph 1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay
Simin Liu
2. An Approved Topic
John Wyndham shows the readers three civilizations. Those of the old-people, present day Waknuk, and of Sealand. Explain the flaws of each. What is he trying to show us?
The Chrysalids shows even if the three civilizations evolve, their flaws will remain with them.
Thesis: The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous evolution, humans have remained the same. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are forever trapped in these emotions that takes us down the wrong path without us realizing. That is why these emotions are some of humanity's greatest flaws. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and Sealand people. The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. Thisis has to go at the end of your intro.Humans are arrogant in thinking we are perfect and are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill our own family and friends just so that we can survive and live a good life. We greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, wether killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. Humans have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize that we are trapped by them or have become entangled so much that we are unable to escape. And due to our ignorance of these flaws and never ending greed, always put comma!we are forever trapped in them and cannot evolve.But you said at the beggining that human society is constantly evolving! What are you trying to say? 'Whether" not wether.Use commas! Try putting your thesis at the end of your sentance.
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous evolution, humans have remained the same. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are forever trapped in these emotions that takes us down the wrong path without our knowledge. That is why these emotions are some of humanity's greatest flaws. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and Sealand people. Humans are arrogant in thinking we are perfect and are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill our own family and friends just so that we can survive and live a good life. We greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, whether killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. Humans have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize that we are trapped by them or have become entangled so much that we are unable to escape. And due to our ignorance of these flaws and never ending greed, we are forever trapped in them and cannot evolve.The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain. much improved from your previous par. but there are still many grammar challenges. Also, the fluidity needs improvement
The human society is constantly evolving. But, despite its continuous changes humans have not made much progress much on the emotional level ["Evolution" has been used three times in the first two paragraphs alone and then two more times in the last two sentences.]. Arrogance, ignorance, egoism, greed, we are constantly blinded by these flaws that leads us down the wrong path. John Wyndham showed this in the Chrysalids with the three civilizations; the old-people, present day Waknuk and the Sealand people. We humans are arrogant and think we are perfect but are ignorant of our own flaws. We care only for ourselves and will abandon or kill family and friends for a good life. Humans greed for a life of leisure and will do anything to gain it, even if it means killing people in the name of god or for family and friends. We have become so trapped in these emotions that we do not even realize we are ensnared and cannot escape. So, due to our blindness[Ignorance has been overused as well.] of these flaws and unsatisable hunger[Another overused word], we are forever trapped in them and cannot move on.The Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Before proving that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain, three things must first be understood; the old-people, the people of Waknuk and the Sealand people. The Chrysalids took place in the future after a nuclear war where genetic mutation was extremely common. Due to the war, everything was destroyed and the only thing that remained was the Bible and Nicholson's Repentances. Most technologies were lost and the nuclear war was called Tribulation by the people who survived as none knew what happened to the world.(can be better phrased) The old-people refers to people who lived in the twenty-first century ( I'm pretty sure that the cold wars took place in the 20th century)before the nuclear war. The people of Waknuk are people from after the nuclear war (this term is used too much)and lived in Labrador. They sought the ways of the old people because they believed that they were the true image of man and followed the Bible and the Repentances without question. They deemed all mutations as deviations and treated them as the devil's creations. The Sealand people are from the same time as the Waknuk people.(transition needs improving) They had been fortunate and had mostly escaped the effects of the nuclear war but had been cut off from the world. The Sealand people were telepaths and could send thought shapes to each other and believed they were better than the old-people. With this information understood, it is now possible to prove that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Can this relate in any way to today's society? Also, remember we need test vocabulary.
The people of Waknuk were ignorant of the fact that babies born with blemishes and mutation (needs to be plural) were not deviations like they believed (why?). Due to this, lots (a lot) of innocent lives were lost or ruined. and(as well) the mother of the child had to suffer. The "deviations" were caused by radiation and marriage within the family. Ignorant of this fact, the people of Waknuk sent deviations to the fringes and blamed the rest on the mother of the child when it did not have much to do with her.(can be phrased better) The Sealand people were ignorant (used a lot try for a different word) of how-despite being able share thoughts, you can still hide some of your thoughts and get into fights and betray each other.(re-phrase) (Anne cut off all connections and then betrayed all the telepaths by writing a letter to the inspector telling him the names of all of them.(them all)) (use for example instead of brackets)The old-people were ignorant, separated into different countries, cultures and languages. If one country is devastated the others remain ignorant of the effects it might hold over them. (rephrase-make more clear) They did not plan ahead only thinking of themselves ignorant of the consequences which lead to their downfall. (could have a better concluding sentence)
Before proving that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain, three things must first be understood; the old-people, the people of Waknuk and the Sealand people. The Chrysalids took place in the future after a nuclear war where genetic mutation was extremely common. Due to the war, everything was destroyed and the only thing that remained was the Bible and Nicholson's Repentances. Most technologies were lost and the devastation was named Tribulation as survivers believed the
old-people triggered God's warth and were punished. The old-people refers to people who lived in the twentieth century before the nuclear war. The people of Waknuk are people from after the nuclear war (this term is used too much)and lived in Labrador. They sought the ways of the old people because they believed that they were the true image of man and followed the Bible and the Repentances without question. They deemed all mutations as deviations and treated them as the devil's creations. The Sealand people are from the same time as the Waknuk people.(transition needs improving) They had been fortunate and had mostly escaped the effects of the nuclear war but had been cut off from the world. The Sealand people were telepaths and could send thought shapes to each other and believed they were better than the old-people. With this information understood, it is now possible to prove that the Chrysalids suggests that despite human evolution, human flaws will always remain.
Can this relate in any way to today's society? Also, remember we need test vocabulary.
The people of Waknuk were ignorant of the fact that babies born with blemishes and mutation (needs to be plural) were not deviations like they believed (why?). Due to this, lots (a lot) of innocent lives were lost or ruined. and(as well) the mother of the child had to suffer. The "deviations" were caused by radiation and marriage within the family. Ignorant of this fact, the people of Waknuk sent deviations to the fringes and blamed the rest on the mother of the child when it did not have much to do with her.(can be phrased better) The Sealand people were ignorant (used a lot try for a different word) of how-despite being able share thoughts, you can still hide some of your thoughts and get into fights and betray each other.(re-phrase) (Anne cut off all connections and then betrayed all the telepaths by writing a letter to the inspector telling him the names of all of them.(them all)) (use for example instead of brackets)The old-people were ignorant, separated into different countries, cultures and languages. If one country is devastated the others remain ignorant of the effects it might hold over them. (rephrase-make more clear) They did not plan ahead only thinking of themselves ignorant of the consequences which lead to their downfall. (could have a better concluding sentence)
4. Essay Outline
5. First Draft of your Essay
6. Peer Comments
Group members
Danilo
Willie
Alex
Peer Comments:
Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph
1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Person 2 - Body Paragraphs
1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph
1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary.
2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending?
3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay
7. Good Copy in MLA format